Friday, April 11, 2008


Just in case the readers of this blog don't go through the comments there was a comment the other day I found so funny I almost got me in trouble at work because I was laughing so much.

A very creative friend of mine with an affinity for Hillary Clinton responded to my, far too serious post about Hillary's embellishments of her experience with a brilliant response.

Thank you to loyal 17people reader, legendary Fantasy Football Commissioner, and someone I've been lucky enough to consider a long distant older brother, Patrick, for writing something far better quality than I usually end up putting on the blog.

Enjoy for yourself.

I was only really ever impressed with Hillary one time.

I don't know if you remember this JC, but Bill was supposed to attend a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Plaza when, unexpectedly, terrorist took over. Hillary had arrived in LA late and so wasn't in the main ballroom when the bad guys struck.

Well, Hillary wasn't going to stand for that, so she launched a one woman all out assault and took those terrorists (who turned out to just be really clever thieves)OUT!

The coolest part was when she used a fire hose to rappel down the side of the building. We need that sort of determination and pluck in our president.

I know a lot of people talk about the time she rescued those two kids from the genetically cloned dinosaurs on Isla Nublar as a standout momment of her first Ladyship, but I think that bit of daring do was pulled off more by the cleverness of Dr. Ian Malcolm than anything she did.

And don't get me started on the time she rallied her fellow gladiators and finally got to take her revenge on the man who had killed her family, the Roman man-god Commodus. Sure, she displayed some excellent leadership skills, but she got killed at the end, and I don't want a zombie President in the White House(again).


Patrick said...

Awww...I'm kinda touched!

Regarding The Beast, it should be noted that I am, as I am fully aware, completely irrational when it comes to her.

I'm generally a laid back fellow, but the very act of seeing her on TV actually makes me angry. If she gets elected president I'm going to have to move to another country- not as some silly sign of protest but because I will be intolerable to be around (moreso)and will probably destroy television sets on a regular basis. I'll be like Bruce Banner except instead of only turning into the Incredible Hulk when local rednecks pick on me, I'll do it every time any news station is on. Those I love and my pocketbook shouldn't have to suffer needlessly.

I liked how, in order to show how down-to-the-salt-of-the-earth-common she was, she was filmed doing a shot and having a beer in Pennsylvania.

This may have actually persuaded my father to vote for her, because rumor is the shot was of Crown Royal.

That aside, COME ON! Picture Hillary in your mind. Now picture her flopping down on the couch on a Saturday in the fall with a Natural Light in her hand and a half eaten bag of Golden Flake chips at her side. She's wearing raggedy cut offs (pants suit, cut offs of course) and a tank top.

She flips on the TV (unbroken, because- one assumes- she hasn't seen me on the news lately) and settles in to watch the Razorbacks take on the Gators. At kick off she stands in her family room and "calls the hogs" along with the faithful at Donald W. Renyolds Stadium.

Can you picture that?

Now picture her watching the game along side a giant pink elephant, the ghost of Frank Capra, or her husband.

Yeah, the second image doesn't seem anymore unlikely than the first, does it?

Which doesn't bother me. I don't care is our President isn't one of us. Hell, he or she shouldn't be, their the President for gods sakes!

But seeing her throw back a jagerbomb at Steelies bar seems so disingenuous as's a shock...make me angry.

It's like they had a meeting and tried to decide how stupid they thought Pennsylvanians were.

"What if she said she liked to weld in her spare time?"
"No, that's over the top."
"Bow hunt?"
"Maybe...maybe...we should invent a bow hunting, dead relative."
"Wait! Let's act like she likes going to local dive bars and getting smashed on MGD!"
"Perfect! Everyone will buy that!"

Patrick said...

"Which doesn't bother me. I don't care is our President isn't one of us. Hell, he or she shouldn't be, their the President for gods sakes!"

See. See what you do to me Hillary?

Is? IF, damnit...I meant IF.

THEIR?!?! OMG THEIR!??! It's "they're."

I'm like Jeff Goldbloom towards the end of The Fly, except more handsome and less scientifically inclined.

This is what a Hillary White House will do to me.

Please, America. Help me.

(Also...two Jeff Goldbloom references in three responses. I may have a man crush. Weird.)

Sarah said...

Yep, I know from experience that Patrick can always be counted on to spice up a blog. I make him a guest writer in mine when I feel I'm in a stalemate.

They guy has some creative game. Gota hand it to him.